Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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