oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
