turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I don't deserve a penis
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
