..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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