my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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