So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I have surprise drugs for everyone
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
