sarcasm needs its own font
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
She's just so happy...and so naked.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
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