Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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