Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
