Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
you had me at cake vodka
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
