she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
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