So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
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