Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Randomize
