Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
