i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize