I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
