why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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