Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
