thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize