Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Pooping to opera.
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