totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
