Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
