If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
