I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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