Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
