I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize