So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
