I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
