I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
