3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
