Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I need a beard to bite.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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