and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
