its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
