is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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