i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Four minutes until I can fart!
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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