Im at strip club and am horny
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Randomize
