Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
