I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My ATM looks so different sober.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
