I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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