I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize