Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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