Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
