1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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