i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
