Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
