I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize