Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
