Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize