I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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