mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize