my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
