Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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