I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
