If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
