so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Walk of Shame today included voting.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
