She is in my trunk
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
