Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
