david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
