Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
not ubering you a puppy
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
