so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
