Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
