just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
