I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
