Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
