U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
