In the future we'll all be gay
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
