Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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