I will die if light touches me.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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