Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
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