Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
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