my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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