My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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