New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
