I hate all girls vehemently.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
