we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize