Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I accidentally burped into my bong.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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