I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
