his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
