well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
