I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
