oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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