I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i dont even know how to be here
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
