So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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