I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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