If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
