Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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