Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
