I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
