I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
