We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
