hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
