I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
