Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
