he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Just invented taco cereal.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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