If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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