I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
