How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
