you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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