Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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