sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
