I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
