I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Four minutes until I can fart!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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