is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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