I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
