ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
