Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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