Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
