I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
